Monday, December 19, 2011
stopping now out of breath...
I walked out the door.
I walked out that door.
left ankle so sore...where the chain cut in before never healed...
sun lowering...a couple of hours to go before it sets...
what happens after dark...
look up, madrone, deep red... trying to take in what happened? What happened?
I will be sleeping under some tree, stars tonight. Air warm sweet, dry grass, golden hillsides. Sky bright bright blue
frightened... thrilled excited. Trembling now, feeling tears...because I am finally finally...
Nothing it was nothing. Escape? All I had to do was lift up off of Kitty's sofa and take the cloth satchel I packed -- canteen journal biscuits cheese apples.
Heart slamming, walked up to the door turned lock and then, opened... the door. Morning air cool misty so fragrant and there I was top of the stairs with the world waiting.
Tears now. Tears...
so careful down stairs one by one see inside Kitty's cafe. Nobody. No sound. Bean a liquored heap at the bottom. Just lying there snoring. Arm with the bottle and then...I saw his jacket thrown to the side. I took it. I stole Bean's jacket. And kept walking. Fast.
With my heart practically dancing in my throat, sweat sprouting, I just kept walking forward. Thinking for sure, someone bound to come running behind me. Someone sure to come running up guns blazing yelling STOP!!!! STOP!!!!
I was free.
I am free.
Who knows for how long. But for now, I am free.
A nun, running. My face will be plastered on posters everywhere before the day is out. Must disguise. Bean's jacket falls below my knees.
Must keep walking now, heading through golden hills, trees. Redwood and madrone. Oak.
Thinking of Teresa now, I never said a word never spoke once to her of the plan, now she can be honest saying she had no idea what I was thinking. What I am doing.
What I am doing?
No idea. Where I am going?
Beyond here. Beyond the old life.
To whatever awaits me. Must not think now. Must go forward, now. Now.
Move now. Go!